Zapped…

I don’t really know what is going on with me.  I think that I am coming down with a cold though.  I am totally zapped of energy.  Yesterday as I walked down at the River Walk, I noticed I not only was not going as fast as usual but I only made it around the mile long path 3 times instead of my usual 4.  I have been fighting a headache for days.  My throat is red and not too happy.  The second hand smoke from my weekend probably didn’t help.  I just want to curl up and sleep for hours/days/weeks… until I feel energetic again.

I hate feeling like this.  I hate feeling ill or tired.  I love the feel of energy and vitality.

To top it off my job is giving me some anxiety.  I want out, I want to be anywhere but here but the job industry is fragile and on the brink of falling apart.  Could I really find another secretarial job right now?

I want to live anywhere but here.  I feel like there is nothing here for me but I don’t have anywhere else to go… not when I have bills to pay, loans to pay off and credit cards to pay off.  I have no money to even think about moving with.

Maybe I am slightly depressed that could be why I feel so tired… that and I think I am coming down with a cold (bring out the Zicam)… Maybe this person that I am trying to be (sexual, liberated, wanted, modern) is not for me.  I tried really really hard to scrub all of my romantic idiotic fantasies out of me and be just this modern one-night stand, booty call, casual sex, liberated woman and it is not living up to the hype.  It is almost as disappointing as having romantic fantasies and never having them fulfilled.

~ by jwlrose on July 15, 2008.